Of Light And Shadows: A Critical Research Journal: T. H. E. M. E. (as in, what is my)

Let's get real here, just for a minute.
As I prepared to submit my:

FINAL PROJECT PROPOSAL

I admit- I started to have some mentally overwhelming feelings (aka- freak out!)
freak out
freak out
freak out

HERE IT WAS! My FMP was finally here and as I recognized it as a great opportunity to create a meaningful collection. I began to think about what I really wanted to exhibit as, whether I decide to do a show, or a book, or some other end output this would really be something of my first 'self-promoted' journey into introducing myself to the world as a photographer.

UP until now my photography has always been part of someone else's project.
Like when I was featured on Mommy Blogger 'Lily Petals World' (103 K Views!!! Not so bad!)

Or when I was able to participate in the world wide effort along side Karen Alsop in this years 'The Christmas Wish.' (She chose my image as cover!) It was an AMAZING experience, particularly the involvement with the families and children.

Also featured in newscasts around the world and articles such as this one in DIY Photography:
https://www.diyphotography.net/photographers-from-all-over-the-world-come-together-to-make-christmas-happier-for-children-in-hospitals/?fbclid=IwAR1pEglRXP1odZdHd4uqewFzRH_zDd0P7hb6jh_w-muAeO5sgd87a7bAjJc

But my FMP would be mine alone.

As I contemplated my ideas and options I ran into a problem that I am sure is familiar to many photographers, professional or novice who have discovered photography as the creative outlet that gives you VOICE: I wanted to try and do so many themes that were meaningful to myself.

My mind literally whirled with the possibilities, AND in simultaneous juxtaposition of self doubt! (What if I do it wrong! What if I don't know what a theme is! What if my images flop altogether!)

After some very helpful emails to Wendy McMurdo (who said- you can do this) I realized I had to look internally for the answers I was seeking. So I started looking at my work from the entire Falmouth journey.

I had begun creating images of children facing childhood opposition:

Fig. 1: Slade 2018-2020, collage of images created.

I enjoyed this work. I have always been a fan of children's illustrations and enjoyed the dreamy and 'illustrated' or 'painterly' look of my images. But the themes were not being truly represented and the topic for research wasn't solidifying.

Next I enjoyed a shift from my other work and tried my hand at participatory art and workshops with children.

Fig. 2: Slade 2019 2 Perspectives.

The work was engaging and utilized my undergraduate degree in Elementary Education and my experience in the public schools.

I began participating regularly in a local classroom. I offered to help the students create their own 'voice' through photographic images and the teacher asked me to join them in a current project bringing awareness to the plastics problem.

FIg.3 Slade 2019. Swimming Lessons.

I enjoyed my images here as well. I felt like they had good narrative and were illustrative of the message we were trying to send and our processes. But as I contemplated finishing them out as a FMP I felt I wouldn't be a true representation of me as a photographer. I do care about the environment, but I don't plan to be known for my environmental work, at least not at this time.

My big question ? began to fall under the category of THEME. What theme did I really want to express. I enjoyed my imaginative images the most. I felt they were the truest representation of my own personal style and specialty.

But I didn't want to express the OPPOSITION the kids were facing along side their RESILIENCE. I have found if there is angst next to or combined with hope it is the angst that wins out. It's hard to look away from angst. But I did recognize that only showing the 'resilience' side was leaving holes in my narrative.

But as I watch my own children be continually bombarded with images, whether apps, media, videos, they are flooded continually with images of darkness, violence, tension, angst. It comes in the form of 'educational' games, Disney movies, memes, posters, book covers, superhero movies, news clips and many other ways, and most are socially labeled perfectly fine and even 'geared' for children. But I know just as what you EAT affects your BODY what you CONSUME VISUALLY affects you MENTALLY. And since I am so closely tied to motherhood and the well being of my own children, as well as youth everywhere...

Long story short, my photography is my contribution to visual consumption, it is my trace I leave behind. So I choose to create mentally healthy images. But what was the THEME or THEMES I was exploring as I created this fantasy world children step in and out of on a regular basis? OH. (Slaps forehead) I guess that is my THEME. (It was a duh moment).

Childhood based themes, particularly circumnavigating daydream, fantasy, and the imagination.

BUT I still had the feedback that my images were a bit tooooo post processed. To the point one might be distracted by the process and miss the image itself.

My themes will be themes of childhood- but I will push myself for more 'SOOC' set ups and less reliance on digital editing and post processing.

Fig. 4: Slade 2020.

This will be a real stretch for me but I feel it will help me grow as a photographer in ways I was hoping this educational experience would push me into. I will be short on time to create a strong portfolio so I will try to make every image count.